


Shattered Glass

by jamieaiken919



Category: Duran Duran
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-13
Updated: 2014-03-13
Packaged: 2018-01-15 15:30:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1309888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamieaiken919/pseuds/jamieaiken919
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roger notices something off with Nick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered Glass

**Author's Note:**

> This one took a long ass time to finish. I started it around October of last year and just finished it a few days ago. Unfortunately I can relate to how Nick is feeling here, which might be why it took so long, but that's not important.
> 
> I felt like Roger doesn't get nearly enough love in fic, so I thought I would make him the 'hero' here. Nick is the one who's depressed because frankly, nearly every photo I've seen of him lately has had him looking miserable. So yeah.
> 
> Also I had to throw a tiny Simon/John bit in there too.
> 
> Onward.

Roger noticed immediately that something was off with Nick. The second they had all gotten into the studio, the energy around his friend wasn't what he was used to at all. He was quiet- something that Nick always took pride in never being- and spent most of the morning fiddling with the same settings on his keyboards over and over again. And when Simon had walked over to ask if he was alright, Nick responded with a simple "I'm fine", the decidedly dejected tone in his voice not escaping Roger's eavesdropping.

Roger watched as Nick sat at a tiny lunch table tucked away in a corner, picking at his salad and staring down at his feet. He noticed when Nick turned away from the group, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and masking the motion as blowing his nose. He saw the forced smile when one of the studio assistants brought him a bottle of water, the normal gratitude in his voice replaced by complete flatness. He could see the way Nick's shoulders sagged, even as he played, and the way his entire body seemed deflated as he moved around the room.

The changes in his friend were not sudden; Roger had seen the change in Nick's attitude and demeanor for years. But this- this worried him. He hadn't seen this side of Nick in years, the dark, melancholy inside that he only let show when he felt like giving up.

Torn between staying silent and going straight to Nick, Roger decided to try and see if anyone knew what was happening to his friend.

"Hey Johnny," he called when he saw John set his bass down. "Come here for a minute."

"What's up, Rog?" John noticed the worry in his face and knew immediately it was about Nick.

"What the hell is going on with Nick?" Roger winced as he heard the words leave his mouth, not meaning for it to sound as harsh as it did.

"His world is going to shit." John said, his voice equally bitter. "The bitch left him, he's feeling overwhelmed with the album, he's got his photography book he's trying to sort out, he's stressed as hell and now he's depressed on top of it. And he's forcing a goddamn smile through it all because he doesn't want anyone to know!"

"Calm down!" Roger placed a hand on John's shoulder as he started to yell. "Don't make me worry about your sanity too."

"Rog, I'm scared for him." His voice went from a yell to a near whisper, and Roger saw the genuine worry and fear in John's eyes as they both understood the severity of Nick's situation. "He wasn't even this depressed after his divorce. I don't know what he's going to do."

"He's not going to do anything." John saw Roger's jaw set in determination, the rarely seen fire burning in his eyes as he stared John down. "Because we're going to make sure he doesn't. We're going to make sure he's fine."

"You realize that if we get involved with his business without him letting us in, he'll just get pissed at us?"

"Then I'll risk that. I can't see him like this, Johnny. Not again."

John could only watch as Roger turned and walked in the direction of the recording studio's lounge. For as much as the group had gone through over the decades, one thing that never wavered was Roger's support. Even when he'd left the band, he'd never left his bandmates behind, and John was always grateful for that constant support, even if he hadn't reached out until they had all gotten back together. He couldn't help but think, though, that Roger was trying to make up for lost time by rushing to Nick's defense so quickly.

"Don't tell me you're depressed too." John turned to see Simon standing behind him, holding out a can of soda and his shoulders tense with worry.

"No... no, it's not me. I'm worried about Nick and Rog." John took the soda and took a long drink out of the can, the carbonation coming back and making him hiccup unexpectedly.

"Classy, Johnny." Simon took his arm and led him over to the couch against the far wall, forcing him to sit and not move. "Now tell me what's going on. What's going on with Nick and what's got you worried about Rog?"

"Nick's life is going to hell around him. Bitch left him, he's worried about the album and his photography book, Julie's been talking about their divorce on her blog again, and he's completely alone now on top of it all."

"He didn't really think she wouldn't leave him, did he?"

"I don't know. But I know he didn't expect her to cheat on him a bunch of times."

"Her reputation preceded her." Simon's voice was flat, signifying that this portion of the conversation was over. "What's Julie been saying on her blog?"

"I only looked fast," John took another drink from his soda, the carbonation again burning his throat. "But she was talking about all the drama that happened between them. All the custody shit."

"So much for being on good terms." Simon's head fell to his hands, his fingers mussing his hair and making his entire body appear deflated. John brought his hand to Simon's shoulder, and rubbed slow circles over his entire back. "He doesn't deserve this, Johnny."

"I know..." John put the soda can down on the floor and wrapped his arms around Simon, who leaned into his chest and rested his head on John's shoulder. "C'mere, I've got you."

"You don't think he's gonna do something stupid, do you?"

"No," John said, Roger's words from earlier echoing in his head. "Because we're going to make sure that he doesn't. Roger is, anyway."

"That's why you're worried about him too..." Simon's voice got quiet, as if he was contemplating everything, and everything was finally connecting in his head. "Rog isn't going to let Nick go through this alone even if he wants to, is he?"

"Nope. I think he's determined to make up for the time he was never around during the divorce."

"But he was around... just because he wasn't with us doesn't mean he wasn't there."

"He doesn't feel like he was. I think that's the reason he's being so defensive now."

"You think there's another reason why he's acting like this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like us, idiot."

John looked Simon in the eyes, seeing the pain still there, but seeing something else there as well. Something familiar and comforting. He brought his hand up to the side of Simon's face and pulled him close, feeling his friend's breath hitting his skin and making him shiver. Gently, they moved towards one another, their lips brushing lightly in contrast to how close their bodies were.

"You know I'd never leave you again, right?" John said quietly, looking at Simon as the other man's eyes remained closed.

"Even when you were gone," Simon's fingers threaded through John's hair, and John's eyes closed as he leaned his forehead against Simon's. "You never left me, Johnny."

Roger walked purposefully down the studio corridor, intent on finding Nick and having him tell him what was going on in his own words. Even if it meant that he would get screamed at, even if it meant stopping work on the album for a few days, he couldn't let Nick bottle his emotions. He'd spent too many years keeping his own anger and sadness inside himself to let any of the people he cared about do the same. If all he ended up getting was a simple answer from Nick, he would consider it a major accomplishment.

As Roger glanced into every doorway going down the hall, he heard the sound of glass breaking and falling to the floor. Having a flashback to that time John punched a mirror in Germany, he ran down to the end of the hall and pulled himself into the doorway on the left. He froze in place, seeing the shattered remains of a highball glass in a puddle on the floor in the corner, and Nick slumped forward in his chair with his head in his hands, his shoulders hung forward and shaking. Roger's heart felt like the glass on the floor, broken at seeing his friend crumbling in front of him. Without thinking he rushed over and fell to his knees in front of Nick, pulling him into his arms and just holding him as tight as he could. He felt Nick try and recoil against his touch, but that only made Roger hold him tighter. The smell of alcohol on the man didn't escape his notice either.

"It's me, Nick, I've got you." Roger did his best to keep his voice as gentle and calm as possible, despite the mix of sadness and anger threatening to boil over. "I've got you, you're alright now."

"I can't do this." Nick's voice was soft, and cracked as soon as he spoke, making Roger's heart shatter even more.

"Nick, look at me." He pulled back to still see the top of Nick's head, and sighed as he realized that his  venture was going to be harder than he originally thought. He brought his hand up under Nick's chin and lifted his head, and instantly knew how bad Nick's state was. His face was paler than normal, as if he hadn't eaten in days; there were deep, dark circles under his eyes, and his face was streaked with eyeliner and tears. Even through all the pain, Roger was struck at how good Nick still looked. "God, look at you."

"I look like shit. I know." His voice had turned bitter, indicating that he had begun to close himself off, but Roger wasn't about to give up so easily.

"I didn't say that, did I?"

"You didn't have to. I already know." Nick tried to stand but Roger held him down, the resistance in Nick's body fading with every struggle.

"You can't just throw glasses against walls and expect it to solve everything."

"I can bloody well try."

"John told me everything. He's probably told Simon everything by now too." The flash of anger in the green eyes staring back at him didn't escape Roger's notice. "You didn't think he wouldn't tell us?"

"Bastard."

"He's fucking worried about you, Nick! How does that make him a bastard?!"

Roger and Nick were both surprised at the yell that came out of Roger's mouth. He hadn't expected to get so angry, but he knew that the only way to get through to Nick would be to be as blunt as possible and hope that he would listen long enough to take what he had to say to heart. Nick just stared back at him, the anger in his eyes replaced by shock and the sadness that had been there to begin with. The shock quickly faded into defeat, and Roger knew that now he could at least say something to him without him trying to run away. "You've gotta open up about stuff like this, Nick. You can't let it build up inside you."

"It's easier not to talk."

"No it's not. Trust me. If I had talked through my shit years ago I never would have gotten overwhelmed and run off to a bloody farm. I wouldn't have started having panic attacks if I'd talked through what was going on in my head. I wouldn't have fucking left you guys if I hadn't been an idiot and told someone all the shit that was building up inside of me."

"She never loved me." Nick's voice was barely audible, and Roger could feel the defeat wash over him again. "She never fucking loved me..."

"So fuck her. If she only wanted you to get famous then she wasn't worth your time to start."

"What do I have to do? Am I that terrible of a person that no one will love me?"

"Don't you ever say that."

"It's fucking true, Roger-"

"Do you think any of us would've come back if we didn't love you?!" Nick lifted his head on his own this time, the streaked eyeliner darker under his eyes and making him look, in Roger's opinion, hauntingly attractive. When he started thinking that he didn't know, but it was there in the front of his mind. He scolded himself mentally for concentrating on Nick's looks when he was crying in front of him, and quickly got his mind back on track. "Do you think Simon would've stuck with you if he didn't love you? Do you think John would've come back if he didn't love you? Do you think Andy would've stopped being a stubborn fuck for anyone else?"

"Andy hates me too."

"He's a stubborn fuck just like you are. That's why you don't get along. But he wouldn't have come back if he didn't care about us. You're included in that."

"He doesn't care about-"

"Do you think I would have come back if I didn't love you?"

Roger's voice was decidedly softer that time, and Nick looked up to see that most of the anger in his eyes had been replace by concern, and something else hidden behind the water that had welled up.

"I thought about you guys every single day I was on that goddamn farm. I fucking missed you guys. But I assumed you didn't want me back so I never said anything. But I fucking missed you so much."

"I never stopped wanting you back." Nick had slumped forward in the chair again, and Roger sat supporting his shoulders and keeping eye contact so he wouldn't look down again. "You were the best we ever had. You never let anyone go without letting them know you were there either. You always let everyone know that you cared."

"I wasn't lying, you know that?"

"I don't know anything anymore..."

"I would never lie to you about caring for you." Roger pulled Nick's body against his own and wrapped his arms tightly around him. He felt Nick reluctantly return the hug, and his heart skipped as they sat holding each other. "I wasn't lying when I said I love you."

As soon as the word 'you' left Roger's mouth, Nick hugged him as tight to his body as he could. Roger was taken aback by the sudden change but didn't let his grip slacken. They sat unmoving for a long moment as Nick began to cry again, his body shaking as he tried to control his emotions to no avail. Roger held firm, letting the younger man's body rest against his own and just letting him cry. He felt the tears soaking through his shirt, and he knew there would be makeup staining his shoulder, but he didn't give a shit. The only thing he cared about was making sure that Nick knew he wasn't leaving him.

Roger brought one of his hands to the back of Nick's head, letting his fingers thread through the blond hair without thinking. Nick instantly relaxed at the touch, and Roger took notice and rubbed his fingers against his scalp. He felt Nick's head nestle into the space between his neck and shoulder, and he absentmindedly pressed a kiss to the side of his head. He felt the grip around his waist tighten, and Roger nudged Nick's legs open in order to get closer to him, letting their chests press against each other and thankful that the man wasn't pushing him away.

"I need you..."

Roger pulled back to see Nick looking down at his knees, their arms still wrapped around each other. He leaned in close and nudged Nick's nose with his own, and Nick looked up and into his eyes. Roger didn't know who moved first, but before he could react, his eyes were closed and his lips were pressed to Nick's and his hands were gripping at the blond's shirt in the tightest hold he could manage. His brain was in a tailspin but the only thing he could focus on was the pressure of Nick's mouth against his, the gentle grip in his hair, and the heavy breaths coming from them both as they exchanged heated kisses. Nick's face was wet again, Roger could feel, and he reluctantly separated himself to look Nick in the face. He could see the tears in his eyes again, and he opened his mouth to ask why when Nick shook his head. 

"I wasn't lying either..." Nick's eyes darted over the entire room, finally settling back on Roger's face. "When I said I need you... I meant it. I can't do this on my own."

"I'm not going anywhere, Nick." Roger punctuated the statement with another kiss, this one more gentle than the first. "I promise. I'm not going anywhere. Ever again."


End file.
